Thursday, July 23, 2009

Change is happening

This is my own baby picture taken after several months of newborn life. I was born prematurely by 2 months and had to be kept at the hospital for some time before I was able to go home. I was born too early for my lungs to work properly on their own. I often think about what Jude might experience now in these very first weeks that will be carried on with him throughout his life. Maybe just an emotion that tells him whether or not the world is comforting and safe depending on how much love he feels from us now in his newborn state. He is already smiling when he is greeted by us with smiles and he can easily lift his head up and look around him. Fatherhood is just as hard as everyone says it is but it is all worth it, every bit. The sitting up in at 3 in the morning sometimes for a hour or so because he is not sleeping, or the throwing up of all his food on his clothes and on the floor, or the crying which at moments feels unconsolable are all trials of the new parent. I am amazed also that so much alteration and change and endless work is caused by one so small. It is a time to recognize that not much else can be done in the way of personal goals and pursuits and to struggle with this idea only creates confusion. One thing I love doing is taking baths with Jude who floats so buoyantly in the water and looks so peacefully up at me in his natural element. Just yesterday I made the mistake of wiping his hairline which had a creamy build up on it from the bath water and his hair rubbed away leaving a crop of missing hair on one side. I have heard about baby's hair doing this but I was still surprised that I caused it. Jude each day grows a bit more readable and needs more and more stimulating to catch up with his developing interests,, being the sucking on his pacifier, or a bumpy knee, or a change of scenary. Our poor house pets have been either uncomfortable with the presence of the baby or show symptoms of being jealous, doing odd things to grab our attention. Isabella had some trouble adjusting as well for all the attention given to Jude to meet his needs but she has been growing more self assured and loving towards her new brother. I had to contend with 4 other siblings but I can't imagine being the only child for 8 years and then having a baby brother move on in. Sam and I have worked further in our communication with all these things that we are going through and on our outlook for the future.

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